There are days when I read something and my mind flips back to some long ago time, stirs up a memory or two , and causes me to do a little reflecting of my own. This morning I was looking at an article on dressing modestly, that triggered some thoughts on that matter and then some more. This time is was something relatively small and seemingly insignificant. It had to do with putting on something as simple as lip gloss because her husband likes her to wear it. There is nothing wrong with that but it did make me think about something that doesn’t have much to do with that. My mind zipped right past that and onto how people feel pressed to conform to what other people want us to think or do, it is called peer pressure, and it isn’t just from peers but others as well.

Often it seems that people feel uncomfortable when you don’t participate in whatever activity they are doing. That can be bad or good depending on the circumstances. An example of this could be when people are drinking and they don’t want to drink alone so they approach you and try to persuade you to drink with them. If you refuse they tease, cajole, and finally convince others to help them persuade you. That happens with drug users as well, but it also happens when a group of people are trying to get people to join them in a church activity, like small groups, or some activity that you feel a little reluctant to do, like rock climbing or ice skating. It doesn’t take long before the pressure has gone beyond invitation and asserted itself into insistence turned to ridicule. It seems to be an across the board approach. We don’t want to do something alone and so we try to get others to go along with us.  Their refusal is taken in all sorts of ways but not necessarily with acceptance. Sometimes it feels almost like bullying and intimidation. When that doesn’t work they tend to withdraw from you instead of  just accepting how you feel. It isn’t about them as much as it is about being okay with where we are. Invitations are just that, invitations with a right to say things like, “not now”, ”maybe later,”  or just plain ”no thanks”.  What is it that makes us feel like that?

Being okay to just sit with someone who doesn’t want to participate is a much better way of getting to know someone  without all the pressure to conform. For the most part is isn’t meant to be taken as personal rejection of you or the event, it is just where they are at for some reason.  Welcoming someone without pushing it is easier on the mind and heart of those invited. Being able to be okay with someone who turns down an invitation doesn’t mean they reject you or your group. although it may mean they don’t like what you are doing and don’t want to do it. A little compassion goes a long way. Acceptance of their refusal is kind. Pushing it, well, you may get your way but you won’t win their heart. You will increase their desire to escape from the pressure. Kindness sometimes turns the key of the heart faster than pushing it. So, invite but be willing to wait and pray.